Friday I went home and found her, this emaciated stray Jack Russell Terrier eating paper plates out of the gutter in front of my house. I walked over with the intention of finding a tag with a name and phone number, and ended up with a dog who jumped into my arms and hasn't really left my thoughts since. I held her long enough to look, unsuccessfully, for tags and to feel that she wasn't all mangy or flea-infested, then put her down, but she followed me into my house. A car drove by with windows down and yelled, "thank you for taking that dog," and my neighbor said, in response to how quickly the dog attached itself to me, "I think you have a dog now."
I was packing up my car for a weekend trip to Gambier, and I shut her out of the house the second time I went in, but she was waiting for me. She voluntarily hopped into my car, and we were off for a wild trip to Gambier which included, but was not limited to, sunny country days; a 21 gun salute plus taps at Jamie's Great-Uncle Kent's funeral; a tour of Jamie's grandparents house that his Grandpa Lake bought with the money he won shooting pool at local bars; several small children, and hundreds of fawning college students. My friends named the dog Clare. The dog loved it. I loved it. So you can imagine that today, when I brought the dog to the SPCA, I completely lost it.
I drove back to work sobbing as I haven't sobbed since I was a betrayed child. Like a baby. It was pitiful. The poor puppy trusted me, and despite its instincts, I'm sure, came when I called and relaxed whenever I held it, jumped in my car and generally exhibited the most affection I've ever seen from an animal.
I don't know what to do. I love the dog, and JG is willing to try to work something out so we can keep it, but my apartment doesn't allow pets and JG's already got basco the cat, who is understandably dissatisfied with the proposed alteration in its domestic situation.
I've never felt so bad for doing the correct thing. I want to curl up and never come out of a cage of doggie that winds itself around me and consumes me and will mean that I never have to make a decision again. This love is the worst thing I've ever felt.
Please let the doggie forgive me for taking it to the bad place. Please let it not be that bad.
Posted by tessman at 3:43 p.m.